dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
