someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
i need some magic done to my vagina
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
