Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
