i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
