My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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