yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
