God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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