I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
