omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
