I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
