8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
