She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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