this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
