we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
