Already got asked if we're dating
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
The struggles of a small town man whore
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
