What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
