I want to stick my p in your. b.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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