I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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