I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
