im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
