Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
