"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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