Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
