the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
