i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
