i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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