walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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