Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
