i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
