It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
