New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
So much Jack, so little girl.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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