you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
