No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
