And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
