she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
