Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
