i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
They are going to name an STD after you.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
