so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
