And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
