I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Less talking, more tequila
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
