if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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