Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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