I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
