So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
