take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
