YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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