Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
