you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
