i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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