If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
